Attack of the beard hairs
by rustyspoons
Summary: Yami, Kaiba and serenity are attacked by beard hairs! and so is everyone else! YAY! EVIL BEARD HAIRS!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: if you like a serious story, go back to the previous page. I'm sure there's one….

**DISCLAIMERS:** I own nothing in this story not yu-gi-oh, nor Venus shavers or bathrooms…Or Gillette mach 4's... One thing I do own however is this incredibly amazing piece of fluff!

CHAPTER 1 **_the beard hair strikes back!_**

(baring in mind that Yami now has his own body)

"YUGI!" Yami shouted up the stairs. "Were you using my shaver again?"

Yugi walks down the stairs with bits of paper on his face.

"No" he says innocently. Going all chibi eyed.

Yami nodded and said. "oh right. I just can't find it and…." He looked at Yugi's face, then at his hands and in his hands was a pink Venus shaver.

"yes you did! And still are!" Yami exclaimed.

"but were friends! Sharing is caring!" Yugi replied

"so you did use it then?" Yami asked.

Yugi stared at Yami and said:

"no I didn't."

"oh right." Said Yami and went back to the couch and continued watching sesame street.

LATER ON THAT DAY…….

Yami went upstairs and found his shaver covered in hairs. Purple hairs. Yugi had shaved his beard using Yami's shaver.

"he lied! He said he didn't use my shaver!" Yami cried.

When suddenly one of the hairs on the shaver moved. Yami stood staring at it. was it because he breathed on it? he held his breath. Another one moved. Then another THEN ANOTHER!

"OH NO!" Cried Yami "THE EVIL BEARD HAIRS ARE ALIVE!"

they jumped up and then suddenly Yami was no longer conscious…….

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Meanwhile in Kaiba Corps office Kaiba (Seto) was pacing up and down…..

The story behind his pacing was that he wanted to ask Tea out….. but he was seriously reconsidering. Didn't she realise how much he liked her? He saved her ungrateful sorry behind in his battle city tournament AND he never offended her.

Sighing he went to the bathroom to find that his blue Venus shaver had… MOKUBA'S BEARD HAIR!

He sighed again.

And noticed that the hairs moved.

Must've been me breathing out, he decided.

Then they moved again.

"What the…?" Kaiba said and he saw darkness………

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Serenity went to the bathroom to shave her legs when she realised her shaver had gone! Her very special Gillette Mach 4 shaver had gone!

"Joey…." She growled completely losing her innocence that she had managed to up hold for the past 2 serieses. She marched up to joey's room and entered it. and fell over the pile of clothes. Which completely ruined her dramatic entrance because yugi and joey were both on the bed and fell off it from laughter.

Ignore them. Serenity thought to herself "Joey can I please have my shaver back?"

"and what makes you think that I have your shaver?" Joey asked

"because it's in your hand!" serenity said. Joey looked down at his hand and said: "oh yeah, here ya go sis!"

So serenity took it back to her room only to find…. EEEEEWWWWWWW! JOEY'S BEARD HAIR! She opened her mouth to scream when the hairs jumped at her knocking her unconscious……

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_**A/N: WILL THEY SURVIVE? PROBABLY NOT! I CAN'T TELL YOU! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Please R/R!**_


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: this is the next part of the story. Just in case you didn't know.

**Disclaimers: I own nothing. There. Ha!**

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Somewhere in domino city Bakura went up to the bathroom only to find that his "intuition shaver" had been used. It was used by none other than sweet and innocent Ryou. Bakura frowned and picked up the shaver.

_At least he could've had the decency to have washed it!_ Bakura thought angrily.

He placed it under the tap when suddenly they moved! THEY THEN STRUCK OUT AT BAKURA! He had no time to think. But he did have time to swear. And trust me. He wasn't swearing any oaths!

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Marik was sitting in the lounge room drinking a nice strawberry milkshake. He didn't much like the flavour but pink was his favourite colour.

That was when Marik noticed something on the ground moving. He looked at it. What was his Nair wax doing on the ground? And what was Malik's hair doing on it? AND WHAT IN THE UNDERWORLD WAS MALIK DOING USING HIS WAX? TO WAX HIS BEARD? WHO WAXES THERE BEARDS? WHY COULD'NT HE USE HIS OWN?

Marik angrily put down his milkshake, picked up his millennium rod and walked over to the wax.

He prodded it with his rod.

He then bent down to pick it up when he heard, giggling? Was the hair _giggling?_ He shook his head and picked it up. And that was when the hairs struck out at him. And he saw black…..

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Yami woke up and thought: _where am I?_

Suddenly the days events came flooding back to him.

Yugi using his special Venus shaver, the purple beard hairs striking out at him and, and, um, well. He didn't remember anything else.

He then turned to his right and saw Kaiba lying next to him. Ha! He was gagged. Yami was about to laugh at Kaiba when he realised he was also gagged.

Yami frowned. No-one, I repeat, NO-ONE gags a pharaoh! He stood up. Well at least he tried to. You see he would've successfully stood up if it weren't for one teeny tiny problem. He was tied up.

_Damn that hikari! And damn those bloody beard hairs of his! _Yami thought angrily.

Suddenly there was a soft moan from the left of him. He turned and saw serenity laying there, also gagged and tied up.

_Oh Ra! Why did you do this to me? Joey will kill me if I let his sister be hurt! I mean c'mon! He spent 3 million dollars for her eye operation! _Thought Yami desperately.

Then Yami saw from further on than serenity was, BAKURA? (Yami Bakura) _what the..? He should be behind all of this! Not part of it!_

Then further on from Bakura, Yami saw Marik (Yami) suddenly Yami realised.

_Oh shit, Revenge of the Hikari's. _But honestly shouldn't they be grateful for them? Didn't they have to do most of the dirty work? (Well Yami knew that Bakura did most of the dirty work. Especially when no super markets were open…)

But hang on, then what were serenity and Kaiba doing here? Yami groaned and sat back. This was worse than trying to read hieroglyphs!

Then Yami saw a clump of hairs strolling past.

He blinked.

They noticed.

"AAHHH! HE'S AWAKE! QUIK! NOCK HIM OUT!" one of the hairs shouted.

Yami's thrashing was doing no good. He was just knocked out faster….

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Bakura was watching the whole ordeal of Yami being attacked. He chuckled quietly to himself not wanting to draw too much attention to himself.

"Honestly, I don't know why we agreed to do this. It's a bad idea." Said one of the hairs in its high pitched voice.

"You can blame Malik's beard hairs for that. Always thinking about world domination." Said the new arrivals of purple hairs.

Bakura's eyebrows rose.

_Great. _He thought._ Hairs with world domination plans. What's next? Kaiba has a girlfriend?_

Bakura err, thought too soon. Because serenity murmured:_ Kaiba I love you!_

And Kaiba whispered: _oh serenity. Why did you leave me?_

Bakura groaned inwardly.

_Oh great. _He thought._ Kaiba has an ex who still likes him and I have nothing but a load of fan girls who only like me because I'm a Yami._ Bakura harrumphed very loudly and then the beard hairs realised he was awake.

_OH RA NO! _Thought Bakura as the beard hairs crept towards him. He wasn't so concerned about the beard hairs. No there was something much worse. Someone was playing Paul Simon's grace land.

It was when he was actually knocked out that he realised that the hairs were coming towards him.

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Meanwhile at Joey's house Joey and Yugi were playing with Barbies.

And Ryou and Malik were on the swings in the park playing truth or dare.

And up in the officer's seat of Kaiba Corp, the new leader was sitting in the chair. Mokuba was decidedly the new leader since his brother left without a note.

This goes to show you that you should always leave a note just in case someone takes over your job.

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**Hehehehehehehe! R/R and you might find out what happens next!**


	3. Chapter 3

Ah, the world is sweet.

A/N okay this is really weird so if you like good stories you mighten want to read this! Thanks to all of mah reviewers! And yes serenity has a Gillette mach 4. But hey! Kaiba and Yami both have Venus shavers!

And no I am not from England. I am from the good old AUSTRALIA! HOW IS IT POSSIBLE FOR ENGLAND TO BEAT US IN CRICKET?

I would be listening to c.d except Einstein won't give me it.

And I am gonna write only 1 page!

_**Disclaimers: I own nothing. Nada. Not even my own right of choice!**_

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Now it was Kaiba's turn to wake up.

Unfortunately for him he got up really quickly.

He felt dizzy because he has low blood pressure.

He was lucky in a way because the beard hairs had officially left and he wasn't gonna be knocked out.

And he was thinking as he looked over at serenity:

"I'm mister lonely,

Nobody loves me,

Except the bewd,

But that's only a card.

So I am a loner.

The loneliest loner

There has ever been…"

I guess it's a good thing that Kaiba wasn't a singer.

Or a song writer.

Then Bakura re awoke from his state of unconsciousness.

And he threw Kaiba the biggest greasy.

Yes. Bakura also liked serenity.

Infact the only person in the room who didn't like serenity would have to be, uh, the dust mite in the corner!

(Yes serenity loved herself!)

Kaiba sighed. (He didn't know that every-one else in the room liked her. By her I mean serenity. Not Kaiba. Kaiba is a he. Serenity is a her.)

He tried to get up.

And yes Kaiba also found out that he was tied up the hard way.

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Serenity who was watching through her half closed eyes saw Kaiba fall flat on his face after attempting to get up.

"What is it with guys and not looking? COULDN'T HE TELLED THAT HE WAS TIED UP?" serenity thought to her own mind. Well at least I think it is her own…

That was when she noticed the most gorgeous dust mite….. (Okay I'm joking. I'm just on a high. You really shouldn't try writing love stories when on a high.)

But what serenity did notice was a most gorgeous dust mite….. (I'm getting a recurring sense of déjà vu, over and over again. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?)

What she did notice was that she was tied up and had a gag in her mouth.

And that she and Kaiba weren't the only ones awake.

That evil Bakura was awake too.

And he was looking right at her.

Ah well.

Serenity was concentrating on freeing her hands.

She was doing it, bit by bi-

Ah! I am free! She thought triumphantly.

She then took the gag out of her mouth.

She went over to Kaiba and helped him.

(What I mean by helping him is that she undid his hands and he just seemed to glare at her, and then turned away in embarrassment.)

She then went over and helped Bakura who gave her a big thankful smile, (it looked more like a grimace.) and then thanked her after he had successfully removed the pink gag.

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Hah Kaiba! You need to be nicer to girls! Bakura thought triumphantly, as serenity was removing the pink gag.

Pink?

PINK?

PINK?

And Bakura fainted.

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Serenity joined Kaiba in undoing all of the ties and gags.

When suddenly the door opened and in entered the supposed leader who was wearing lots of fake beards of every colour.

They were muttering a single word over and over.

Friendship…..Friendship……FRIENDSHIP…..

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Mwahahaha! The dust mites are everywhere. Even more so then the teapots…. R/R and if u don't know more stories!

(Who am I trying to kid? No more stories?)

I AM CAPABLE OF RESTRAINING MYSELF FROM TYPING!

(Yeah right. You wrote 3 whole pages when you only said that you were gonna write 1!)

AAHHH! NO! SHE LIES!

And I think friendship is one word.

I mean it's not a ship that is a friend is it?


	4. Chapter 4

Okay I have lost the previous chappie, so I just need to get it up…. Hold on…

YAY GOT IT!

AHHH! SAZ! THE LAST LAST EPISODE IS SOOOO SAD! dies Yami!

Yami: yo?

Me: this is highly emotional for me right now Yami!

Yami: oh. hands me a box of tissues.

Me: mutters angrily

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friendship….FRIENDSHIP

all of the people in the room were awake at this time.

"you are all the ones who laughed at me when I talked about friendship…" the lady with all the beards said. "now, prepare to be punished!"

"téa?" Yami asked in disbelief.

"Téa Gardner to you, you gorgeous hunkaspunk!" téa said running over to Yami and helping him off the ground.

Marik and Bakura were both laughing.

"will you, MARRY ME?" asked Téa.

"ah! No! please! Some-one!" Yami said.

Téa looked close to tears.

"I have no other choice!"

suddenly…

An orchestra started playing.

"BEHOLD THE STRINGS ORCHESTRA!"

they were little beard hairs playing instruments.

"shouldn't you say hair orchestra? GET IT? HAIRS?" Bakura said and started laughing.

He was the only one who found it funny.

In fact every-one else was clutching there ears in pain.

In truth hairs really shouldn't attempt to play any instruments of any kind because well, have you ever heard of the term, er, fluffy? Well lets call this, (the sound that the instruments were making) HAIRY! GET IT?

Tea was not bothered by the noise. In fact she was humming along to it which must've added to the noise, I mean c'mon, she's not the best singer right?

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But outside, away from all the noise was a demolition squad.

And Mokuba.

"all right! I want this building down quick or else…" he said glaring at each of the worker men.

"yes sir!" they said and got to work.

And they started the bulldozers….

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"ALLRIGHT! WHOSE FARTING?" asked tea angrily stopping the orchestra.

"WHAT?" shouted Marik, his ears were still ringing from the noise.

"um, if that is some-one farting, I think they should be in the guiness world book of records for longest fart." Said serenity.

"It's probably Joey." Said Kaiba.

"no it sounds more like…" began Marik.

CRASH

"run away!" said the hairs.

And the building started to fall down on them…

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	5. Chapter 5

A/N: blah!

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every-one who was on the floor got to there feet, and the people who were standing up were already on there feet so they couldn't get on them…

AND THEY ALL SPRINTED FOR THE EXIT!

And they made it out.

Well, yeah.

Except, well, how to put this.

Uh, Yami sorta stopped, causing serenity to smash into him, causing Kaiba to smash into her, causing Bakura to smash into him, causing Marik to smash into him, causing them to fall over, and then well…

There was machinery there.

And well…

You can use your imagination cant you?

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HAHAHAHAHA! FOOLED YA!

No, what actually happened was as soon as the beard hairs had gotten out they took the machinery and got away.

See, I used PAST tense, There _was _machinery there.

So, now we've just got some loony beard hairs riding bulldozers right through the city! I mean c'mon it could be worse!

What? It could!

I mean they could be SUICIDAL beard hairs!

Bugger, spoke too soon.

They had started rampaging through the city AND RUNNING THROUGH THE NATIONAL PARK!

Yes, those poor pieces of grass were being unceremoniously squashed.

Let us take a minutes silence to remember them.

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"somebody has to stop them! My brother is there!" cried serenity.

"yeah and so is my Hikari!"

"yeah and mine!"

"and my brother!" said Kaiba.

"no big brother, I'm right here!" said Mokuba.

"all right then Mokuba lets go home." Said Kaiba.

And they left.

"jerk." Said Marik staring after Kaiba.

"never fear serenity, I shall save your brother!" said Bakura.

"no, I will!" said Marik.

"uh uh! I am gonna save Joey AND Serenity." Yami said.

"but she's already safe!" said Bakura.

"no she isn't. she was just dragged away by the beard hairs." Yami said.

There was a moments pause then:

"SERENITY!" the three of them shouted.

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**A/N: R/R and if you don't the teapots will get you!**


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I think 2 chappies of this story are going up tonight, that is, if I can be bothered to write 2…..

I am having the time of my life here, it's the holidays, I get to sleep in, watch movies, sing, (SING? random people previously clutching there ears in agony just fainted) AND BEST OF ALL I GOT TO BE MYSELF UNTIL THOSE BLOODY REPORTS CAME!

Yes. Report time is a difficult time for us all.

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Okay, so lets see whats happening around domino city.

Kaiba: he just realised that he lost his job to his younger brother and he was just given away by his brother to some millionaire because it was either that or mokie would lose Kaiba corp. I mean come on what would you chose?

Mokie: just gave up his brother to some millionaire in order to save Kaiba corp. he didn't shed a tear coz quite frankly he was sick of it happening to him.

Yugi: was sick of playing barbies but Joey wasn't so Yugi pulled out his bratz doll and barbie and the bratz doll were having a catfight over barbies new guy, (Dwayne was it?)

Joey: he wasn't sick of playing barbie and his barbie was against the bratz doll.

Malik: went to Ryou's house for tea.

Ryou: had Malik over for tea.

Yami: chasing after serenity.

Bakura: chasing after serenity.

Marik: chasing after serenity.

Serenity: being carried away by the evil beard hairs.

Evil beard hairs: creating turmoil around the city, but to there complete surprise no-one actually noticed. Yes indeed it usually was a lot worse. I mean come on. Bakura and Marik, IN THE SAME CITY?

**OKAY SO ON TO THE STORY!**

"SSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

the three boys were screaming as they chased after her.

And they passed Joey's house.

"YO! Did some-one call me?" he asked sticking his head out of the window. (he had won the barbi vs. bratz game, coz without Yami, Yugi was hopeless.)

"um Joey, isn't that your sisters name?" Yugi asked also sticking his head out of the window to see what was causing the racket.

"what? Oh yeah" Joey replied looking at the scene below him.

(Yami, Marik, and Bakura were all running around the park chasing a tractor that had serenity on it.)

"and isn't that your sister down there?" Yugi asked.

"are you implying that I wouldn't know if that was my sister?" asked Joey frustratedly.

"no I'm just…"

"well for your information that ISN'T-" Joey blinked. "hold on that is her isn't it?"

"yes Joey." Yugi sighed. "it is your sister."

"oh right. So which one is she and what's wrong with her?"

"she is the one that you paid $3 mil to get her eyes fixed and she looks like she's being attacked by Yugi squinted beard hairs.."

"you mean to tell me that I spent 3 million on her…. And she's just been kidnapped by BEARD HAIRS?"

"your beard hairs to be exact." Yugi replied. "no-one else that I know has blonde hair…"

"Joey?" Yugi asked turning around.

But Joey had already left.

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Yugi watched the scene unfold from above.

Joey ran out onto the street in front of the tractor.

The tractor slammed on the brakes.

"what do you want?" squeaked the beard hairs.

"I want my sister back!" Joey exclaimed.

"Joey! You remembered that I am your sister!" serenity exclaimed.

"no, Yugi told me that you were."

Serenity's face feel.

"AH! IT'S STOPPED!" Bakura exclaimed.

And they pounced on it knocking serenity off the tractor and onto the ground,

"NEVER FEAR I SHALL CATCH YOU!" Yami said.

Running around. (he ended up standing on her)

"where'd she go?" he asked looking around.

"you Baka! Your standing on her!" said Marik.

While all this was happening Joey had sat down and pulled out a chocolate bar and began to eat.

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**OK! That's this chappie over and done with!**

**r/R and you know the rest!**

**Yami: what else is there?**

**Me: huh?**

**Yami: you said "the rest" but there isn't anything else to do.**

**Me: sweat drops ehehe well, ahh. Coughyoucouldjointherustyspoonsandstopthoseevilteapotscough**

**Yami: blinks chocolate anyone?**


	7. Chapter 7

Like I said, I would do 2 chappies!

Though Einstein is practically begging me to get off the computer.

MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Yes I do think it is fun to watch my brother suffer. WELL YOU SHOULD'VE GOTTEN ON IT FIRST! (he's so immature, but he's older than me!)

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**Kaiba was working for the millionaire who just happened to own the teapot industry. **

And he was cleaning downstairs in the basement.

Where there was a switch.

And that switch read.

"insanity penguins."

But below that switch there was a big lever.

And it read:

"turn off the beard hairs, the gel to the world"

and so, just for fun he pulled on the lever.

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when he went to visit his brother later in the day he found that he had gone.

But in his chair was a sort of gel.

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the hairs at the tractor suddenly jerked up wards and shuddered.

And turned into gel….

"yay! The evil hairs have gone!" Yami said. (he had stopped standing on serenity.)

Marik quickly whipped around.

"serenity my dearest, would you like to go on a date with me?" Marik asked.

"no you can't have her! She's mine!" Bakura said in protest.

"no mine!" Yami said.

"actually guys I'm none of yours…. I BELONG TO SALAD FINGERS!" serenity said.

And she jumped on a grubby tap and floated off into the distance calling: "SALAD FINGERS!"

"weird…" said Joey staring after her.

"NNNONOOOOO!" cried Marik.

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**so after that everything went back to normal. Téa was no where to be found and neither was mokie.**

**Oh well, not every story has a happy ending.**

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**a/N: yay! Another story finished! (you realise that's 3 in 1 week?)**

**R/R! and yeah. Hope to write a new story soon!**


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